01. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
02. Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
03. Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone
04. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move
05. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives
06. Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet
07. If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass
08. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life
09. Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land
10. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants
11. Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
12. Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime
13. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
14. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
15. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
16. Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
17. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
18. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
19. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him
20. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves
21. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes
22. When Chuck Norris watches Dora, she doesn't ask any questions
23. Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake...After three days of pain and agony...the rattle snake died
24. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live
25. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down
26. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay 9$ to see a movie 14sec. long
27. Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together
28. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories
29. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
30. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is
31. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry
32. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live
33. Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush
34. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
35. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
36. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
37. Chuck Norris calls push-ups "earth downs"
38. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise
39. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever
40. Chuck Norris slapped the Headless Horseman
41. Chuck Norris is the only man who ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis
42. What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris? Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris
43. What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris?.....his foot
44. Chuck Norris can drown a fish
45. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
46. May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean. The next day, the Nazis surrendered...
47. When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris
48. Chuck Norris had a staring contest with Medusa, and won
49. Jack can be nimble, and Jack can be quick, but Jack can't dodge Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick
50. Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'
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